Lesson -1
A man
is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when
the doorbell rings.
The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When
she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before
she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of
Bob, after a few seconds,
Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The
woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was
Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,'
the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral
of the story:
If you
share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders
in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson
2:
A
priest offered a Nun a lift..
She got
in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The
priest nearly had an accident.
After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun
said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The
priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun
once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The
priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving
at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his
arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go
forth and seek,further
up, you will find glory.'
Moral
of the story:
If you
are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson
3:
A sales
rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They
rub it and a Genie comes out.
The
Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me
first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving
a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff!
She's gone.
'Me
next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love
of my life.'
Puff!
He's gone.
'OK,
you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The
manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
Moral
of the story:
Always
let your boss have the first say..
Lesson
4
An
eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small
rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The
eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the
rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral
of the story:
To be
sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson
5
A
turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I
would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I
haven't got the energy.'
'Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed
with nutrients.'
The
turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength
to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The
next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was
promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral
of the story:
Bull
Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson
6
A
little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and
fell to the ground into a large field.
While
he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the
frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was.
The
dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A
passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate
Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly
dug him out and ate him.
Morals
of the story:
(1) Not
everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not
everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And
when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your
mouth shut!
THUS
ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
